One avocado.
One slice of onion, chopped.
Two slices of tomato, chopped.
A few shakes of salt.
I learned to make guacamole during a stint as a waitress at a small restaurant housed in a mobile home, just outside the city limits of Huntsville, Texas. Besides the owner's daughter, I believe I was the only female employee. Besides the owner and his daughter, I know I was the only employee who was legally allowed to work or live in the United States.
Patricio was the head cook, a very thin, small man who communicated with me mostly with smiles and nods, but also taught me "restaurant Spanish" very quickly, and very patiently. Even now I think in Spanish quite a bit when I'm cooking. But the most important thing Patricio taught me how to make is guacamole.
It seems a natural tendency to want to add a little bit of something here, "take it up a notch" there, and generally never leave well enough alone when we cook. I, for one, try to resist that urge most of the time, and mostly because of Patricio's humble guacamole.
Guacamole doesn't need cheese. You're probably eating it with something that already has cheese in it.
Guacamole doesn't need lime or lemon to keep it fresh. You're not going to make more than you can eat in one sitting.
Guacamole doesn't need hot peppers, cumin, or cayenne. Something else in your Mexican meal is probably spicy and the guacamole will add a nice coolness to your dish.
You do not need cilantro. Put that in your pico de gallo with the peppers you are also not going to put into your guacamole.
You most definitely do not need variations on any of the above - sundried tomatoes, goat cheese, chipotle, or other fruits (avocados and tomatoes are fruits, remember) like pineapple. Seriously, stop.
One avocado, no need to keep the pit unless you want to try to sprout it (see citrus reason above), one slice of onion, a couple of slices of tomato, smashed together with a little salt. That's all you need. It's vegan, it's raw, it's Paleo, it's good fats, it's perfect - and it's simple. Try it, and let me know how it goes.
